eerational

just a fyi for the few of you who still read my blog:

i seldom blog now, but i still twitter a lot, so in the event that you want to find out what random thoughts i have all day, do check out http://twitter.com/eerational (if you already have me on facebook, the updates are exactly the same, though).

also, i now own eerational.com! only for a year, but still. i’ve ported my blog over to http://blog.eerational.com but i’m not quite sure what i’m going to do there yet, but you can check it out anyway if you want :D

and sigh, i just have to complain/whine about how i hate the fact that my holiday room is of a completely different orientation… yes, i know i should just suck it up but argh!!! everything that was on my right is now on my left… and now i have to change the layout of my desktop/monitor/speakers setup too. bother. and as always, moving is a bitch. i spent an hour cleaning the room (it wasn’t that bad, until i started cleaning under the bed, where the dirt and dust made my feet turn black), which was followed by over two more hours of shifting and unpacking stuff… and i’m only about 25% done. i’ll save the rest for tomorrow evening because everything else is ‘essential’ (and therefore should be moved last) and i don’t want to move my clothes when i’m already kinda grimy and gross.

but on the bright side, there is still how i met your mother to bring me good cheer. i think it’s really good, and can’t quite believe i didn’t start earlier. but better late than never! also, the soft serve from MOF is totally awesome. i went with yy and maryam today after lunch at the food centre, and oh boy… it’s just so damn good. it’s like heaven in a cup, and when i eat it i feel like all my worries are gone and the world is a wonderful place to be in… seriously. go try it if you haven’t! it’s 20% off on weekdays and a soft serve cone (LOTS of soft serve in a cone, duh. simple but oh-so-good) only costs $2.20. trust me when i say no other soft serve will cut it after you try MOF’s! i’m already thinking about when i can go and get another mof soft serve… haha!

okay, time to go take a shower, watch an episode (or two) of HIMYM and then sleep so i can try and wake up in time to go and stare at microfilms tomorrow… i still dread the evening when i have to pack/move/unpack some more… :( and oh yes, exams. i think i screwed up for everything but SSA2211 (and maybe even IT1003?) but oh well, who cares, i’m not bothering till 29 may. yup that’s it for now, see you guys over at twitter! ;)

argh! i keep forgetting that stupid wordpress somehow always gives me a blank post when i publish something new. and so i have to write this all over again… argh. re-blogging is never the same, darnit.

anyway, i wanted to blog about my parents. about how i take them for granted sometimes, and how i sometimes feel like they don’t really care that much, since i’m in hall most of the time and they seldom call to ask about how i am, how’s everything and all. i do enjoy the independence but of course i sometimes want to know that they care.

but when they travel half an hour from their workplace (and like an hour, if they come from home) to bring me lunch or dinner and the homemade apple and orange juice i really like, i know that they do care and that yes, despite all my doubts and the arguments that sometimes break out at home, i am loved.

the angry quarrels we sometimes have illustrates how my mum and dad are not exactly what i would consider perfect parents. but hey, like shanta put on her facebook status yesterday, i’m far from perfect, too. so it all evens out, yes?

so yes, the chicken rice from boon tong kee, the apple and orange juice and the surprise box of bird’s nest really made my day :)

and i guess i should go and sleep now so i can try to wake up before noon tomorrow… i mean today.

2 more papers to go and then temporary freedom because i have to getting ready to move… sigh i hate hate hate hate hate moving. i can’t wait for the exams to end so i can go out and have nice, good food. i want my mexican and indian food. and good pasta. okay better stop now before i make myself hungry.

this is utterly retarded. for some reason my entry just disappeared.

anyway, i was like all ARGH cos i just can’t seem to get started on the 3000 word essay even though it’s due like, later today. FUG.

i don’t get why it’s so damned difficult for me to just open up a new MS word window and just start typing. maybe it’s because i know it’s going to be a crappy essay… sigh.

okay, stop your whining and get writing! you are going to finish up this lame, time-wasting blog entry, restart your desktop and then WRITE.

but before that, this is my song of the moment, which i am compelled to share. (right-click and select “save target/link as…” to download)

[audio http://www.filefreak.com/pfiles/92763/Butch%20Walker%20-%20Cigarette%20Lighter%20Love%20Song.mp3]
I know you’re not asleep
I can feel you moving over there
You’ve been playing with the seam
In your worn out underwear
My lips are raw as hell
From biting on them just to stay awake
It’s not like I’m gonna need them, you won’t be around
To see them bleed and break

All that I do, comes back to you
So I’ll just think about you
’til there’s nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends, I’d rather be dead

I drove out of east Atlanta
With a headache the size of my car
I called to say I was okay anyway
‘Cause I know how you are
I’m like a movie without an ending
You know I’ve got nowhere to go
And it makes me wanna throw up
To see you wanna give up
More than you’ll ever know

All that I do, comes back to you
So I’ll just think about you
’til there’s nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends, I’d rather be dead

Everything’s supposed to have a happy ending
But the record keeps skipping and the needle keeps bending
Like the road I’m driving to the bridge that has no end
I wanna take back everything that I’ve broken
But the bridges behind me are burning and smokin’
I guess this is the end

All that I do, comes back to you
So I’ll just think about you
’til there’s nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends, I’d rather be dead

butch walker, cigarette lighter love song (live at atlanta)

i don’t know why i keep letting myself get frustrated and angry about a situation i can’t quite change atm. i keep looking at the list and i can’t help thinking, how am i any less deserving than these people? i know it’s a mean thought but i think it, anyway. it’s funny how i dislike whining but end up doing it anyway. well, i really do think it’s stupid and unfair. and it’s really making me so angry i can quite literally feel this ball of unhappiness in my chest… and i have no idea how to dispel this awful, irritating sensation. i would maybe scream but it’s 4am and i don’t think my neighbours or the RF would appreciate it. what do you do when you’re angry but can’t… urgh. what is the word i’m looking for? it stubbornly refuses to come to me, for some reason. blah.

in any case, i feel so irritated i can hardly concentrate on my book review. but maybe i’m just using this whole situation as an excuse to procrastinate… as usual.

and it doesn’t help that i have a deadly bad feeling about this whole thing. and looking at how i’ve been feeling that this year is really not my year for various reasons, i don’t think my pessimism is unwarranted.

at least i feel slightly better after… VENTING. yes that is the word. don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out. all it took was a minor distraction (me listening to the live version of butch walker’s cigarette lighter love song and running to vuze to download it) and the anger was gone and the word came to me. hmmm. i should either listen to butch walker or look for mp3s to download when i’m angry next time, maybe.

and in a strange sort of way i kind of miss blogging. maybe not the insane, blog-in-excruciating-detail way i used to do, but just writing without thinking about whether the sentence makes sense, am i paraphrasing enough, does this sentence say what i’m trying to express… in other words, writing out of an essay context.

i do occasionally write in another sort of journal, but that’s different. that’s for my eyes only and this is not. it’s the feeling of writing, knowing that people i know might read this, and me wondering what people actually think about what i’m writing… haha. yes, i miss that feeling. and i know i often write in a thoroughly rambly, self-centered way. but that’s just the way i write, and the way i like it.

and of course, when i write here i am free to ignore the grammar rules i so staunchly stick to in essays. especially the no-starting-with-conjunctions rule. i secretly abhor the rule but strictly adhere to it in essays anyway. it is anathema for me to start any sentence with and, but or because. it is simply cannot.

i guess i’ve forgotten about the therapeutic qualities of blogging like this after not having to deal with anything too terrible for a long time. i’m a contradictory, optimistic-but-also-pessimistic person, which explains why i believe that this year is going to be a bad year because last year was a pretty good one. hopefully it’s too soon to tell because the year is just beginning, but i just have that feeling… and my gut feelings are usually (and unfortunately) quite accurate.

to think my original intention of blogging was just to share one of my favourite butch walker songs of the moment, here comes the…, which apparently hit no. 1 on the singles chart after he got featured on the ellen show with pink. cool. but the sycamore meadows album (named after the street his house was on, after it got burnt down – with all the masters of the songs he ever recorded in it! so sad.) has been my album of the moment. just gotta love the weight of her and my favourite ‘nonsense’ song, ponce de leon ave. am listening to a live version of best thing you never had now and it’s really good. i’ve forgotten how much i love his letters album, too. i shall go listen to it now :)

and now that i’ve managed to considerably calm down, i guess it is time to go back to the book review. but not before i leave you with some wonderful butch walker songs, hehe.

[edit: i forgot that wordpress doesn't allow anything remotely javascript-y and imeem can't be embedded as a result... argh. remind me why i'm still on wordpress??? i should move back to blogger but i'm too lazy, plus i can't export my wordpress entries. i would get my own domain and hosting but i don't quite blog enough to justify the cost. oh, woe is me. anyway, click on the song title links to get to the song. i'm too busy/lazy to manually embed the songs at the moment.]

i did this on facebook, and i thought i should post it here too since it’s actually quite fun.

vanessa, if you’re reading this… you’re tagged! special mention for you since everyone else has facebook and yy doesn’t have a blog anymore. haha.

The rules:
Choose a singer/band/group.
Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group.
Tag your friends (let them know they’ve been tagged).
Once tagged, you gotta do it too.

Your choice: Lifehouse!

1. Male or female?
Butterfly

2. Describe yourself.
Fool

3. What do people feel when they’re around you?
Mesmerized

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
Better Luck Next Time

5. Describe your current relationship.
Trying

6. Where would you want to be now?
Somewhere in Between

7. How do you feel about love?
Blind

8. What’s your life like?
Sick Cycle Carousel

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Everything

10. Say something wise.
The End Has Only Begun

argh. it’s “only” 2am but before i know it, the clock will read 5am… darn.

and grrr. i’m annoyed that i can’t really go and rest despite having this pain in my neck (literally, not figuratively) that’s so bad, it’s making my head hurt somewhat.

because, well, i have to write the essay for SSA2211. it’s not actually a difficult essay, but it’s about having to wade through all the readings first. and imagining what the singapore river is like and comparing it to old images because i haven’t actually gone down there, save for a brief look when we were down at the ACM for the history seminar the last time.

damn. i’m not actually sleepy now (having just drank two packets of instant teh tahrik), but the pain in my neck is just preventing me from sitting down and doing those readings… cos it’s keeping me from thinking, somehow. blah.

okay fine, time to stop whining and get back to work… argh. i hate myself.

[and oh, speaking of pain in the neck... i'm glad the it1003 presentation is OVER! i think i nearly burst a blood vessel or two doing it thanks to our incredibly intelligent and wonderful groupmate. i swear i have never felt so intensely irritated with anyone else before. no, not even my sister. at least it's over!!!]

i know i haven’t been posting like at all, so i decided to kind of recap last year with a list of the 21 most memorable moments of my 21st year. which really has been one of my best years yet. hopefully my 22nd will be a better year!

1. 21st birthday celebration with the family – best birthday cake ever (from the patissier!) and of course, the huge angbaos… hehe.
2. 21st birthday surprise from the other three (vanessa, maryam, yy, duh.) the pretend-to-ignore-me thing from yy, the door decorations (i still have them and i took extensive photos, no worries… hahaha.), the fake dinner at niqqi’s, getting blindfolded and the ultimate surprise at PS cafe… definitely THE moment in my 21st year :) thanks, guys.
3. vanessa’s 21st birthday surprise which did not go as well as expected… but still very funny to look back on. my favourite moment was the realisation that the 10 coming wasn’t a double-decker bus. haha!
4. the movie marathons we had at yy’s. i can’t even remember how many we had over the year (3?) but they were all fun.
5. manchester united winning the double! special moments include losing to chelsea in the EPL but winning them on penalties in the champions league. also, watching the man u-barcelona match in the middle of exams and vanessa making me want to throw my cushion at her for cheering so loudly for barca. haha.
6. roger federer losing at wimbledon to nadal :(
7. yy’s birthday celebrations (you were so speeshal, we celebrated twice!) – although, by the 3rd birthday we were already running out of surprises.
8. getting terrible exam results for sem 2, 07/08 but also getting calls from cambodia and malaysia to make up for it. :)
9. visiting yy and maryam in malacca! too many things to mention. but looking back, our old, sort-of-creepy hotel at KL was definitely quite the memory… haha.
10. finishing the 50th anniversary book. and the incredible amounts of work and ’suffering’ i had to undergo in the process. and also, making friends with the office staff (rashidah, in particular) and also the numerous dinners at the emmanuels’. which also includes getting to know the emmanuels (especially ciaran! hoho.),  mei yi and shanta.
11. going to penang! the food in penang was worth the terrible bus ride there. of course, the company was good too.
12. the trip back to singapore from penang. all that puking definitely left an indelible (if horrible) mark in my memories. at least now i know i’m susceptible to motion sickness…
13. going for singfest! the huge ticket price was worth it for onerepublic and jason mraz alone.
14. working for jo – the frustrations of the phd thesis and the testimonial were definitely memorable. not in a good way, of course. at least the money was pretty good.
15. buying all my gadgets at the IT fair. yes, i’m that geeky. my favourite item being the monitor, of course. and later, buying my desktop :D
16. celebrating maryam’s birthday – we managed to pull off TWO good surprises (one at dr e’s place, and later at carousel) so the last of the 21st birthdays definitely ended on a high.
17. mccain choosing palin as his vice-president, and all the subsequent palin skits on SNL by tina fey.
18. discovering/watching shows like the l word, the office and 30 rock.
19. obama – yes we can!
20. getting to know a great new neighbour (and her bunnies) – tiffany, of course.
21. the christmas celebration at yy’s – the secret santa thing was great, as was all the wii we played (no pun intended). even if it did make our arms ache like mad and gave me a migraine the day after.

whew, haven’t blogged in ages. seems like the blogging feeling is really gone, unfortunately… or maybe it’s just a feeling that there’s nothing much to write about.

hmmm, let’s see. i got my test for HY3241: religion in the history of china and japan back. i did surprisingly okay for the test, considering that one third of my lecture notes were blank (thanks to my nodding off in class) and that i was up to my neck doing the testimonial thing prior to that. and i also somehow managed to get the closest i’ll ever get to tick-tick (i got a tick plus/tick-tick) for film with the latest project. which was a feat considering that it was a very rushed effort. but then again, it’ll all be for naught if i screw up the essay… which i realise, at 1800 words, is a daunting task. especially when we only have ONE movie to write about. sigh.

the assignments for the US modules are also due around the same time. which means that i have to start on the response essay like… now? but before that, i have to decide on what to write for that damned think piece for HY3241. blah. and if you’re wondering if you’re seeing things because i’m actually starting on stuff early instead of leaving it to the end, i don’t really have a choice because i’ll die over the october-november weekend otherwise.

anyway, i must say that talledaga nights: the ballad of ricky bobby is a surprisingly good movie. very, very funny. i can’t remember any other movie that tickled me as much as this one. the only downside is that we have to write about it. SIGH.

also, i’m hopelessly addicted to the office now. at first i thought it was just okay, but it got better the more i watched. 30 rock is like that too – i didn’t think much of it at first, but the more i watched, the more funny it got. so yes, this time i’ve managed to tear myself away from tvb (only after finishing the drive of life again) – american comedies are the way to go! i kind of can’t wait to finish the office so i can go back to 30 rock. erh, during the holidays, i mean…

and oh yes, albums of the moment: katy perry’s one of the boys and kings of leon’s only by the night. shinedown’s the sound of madness is not bad too, but hasn’t quite grown on me yet. and before you roll your eyes at katy perry (of i kissed a girl fame), her music really is quite listenable. even if the lyrics aren’t that fantastic… haha.

finally, as usual, i’m very tempted to get a wii. and my desktop. and maybe an asus EeePC 1000H. if only i had the funds for everything. sigh, the perils of consumerism…

okay, time to pore over the six books on religion i borrowed so i can come up with something for the think piece. and note to self: never do another religion module. i’ve seriously have had enough of it. i knew the novelty of an-agnostic-doing-a-religious-module would never last that long.

I can’t stop
Don’t care if I lose
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
I’m going down in flames for you
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
One more thing I’m addicted to

katy perry, self inflicted.

[i'm almost embarrassed to say that i really like this song, because the lyrics sound damn slit-my-wrist-angsty, but somehow i just really like it. the picture in the youtube video is strangely appropriate, somehow.]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1rz9dzN_ng]

sometimes, it’s the little things that matter. as dysfunctional as my family is, my parents can sometimes be so nice i can’t help but feel kind of touched. my not having gone home for two (or is it three, already?) weeks appears to have activated an outflow of concern from my parents, because whenever they’re in the area, they buy food for me. they bought lunch for me today, but what totally brought a smile to my face and touched me was when my mum asked if i needed coins, and held up a small plastic bag of 20-cent coins. which was really, really one thing i needed but couldn’t exactly just buy anywhere. i’m not really one to show lots of affection for my parents, but there’s no ignoring it when they do nice things like that for me. and the thing is, my parents can be like ten times nicer than that to my sister sometimes, and her being her, she obviously doesn’t quite appreciate. oh well.

am not doing work now because i’m nursing a bit of a headache… and i think i’d better study for my test on friday first, before i get back to work on the testimonials. 18 left to go, sigh. it’s not actually very hard work (if a bit exasperating), but somehow i just feel especially disinclined to do it. i very much prefer plain proof-reading/editing, because it’s easier and doesn’t quite involve the actual writing and creating of words. and now i feel like i haven’t written essays for so long, i’m afraid that i might just have lost any touch or flair i had for them. yikes.

in other news, lifehouse is coming to singapore but i might not be going because i have no one to go with. truth be told, i’m increasingly feeling tempted to just go alone, because i’m not sure i can reconcile it with myself if i were to miss watching lifehouse live. i mean, it’s lifehouse! my favouritest band of all time (even if i don’t listen to their music all the time) and i’ve been waiting goodness knows how long for them to come. but as it turns out, no one else is really as big of a fan of them as me. even those who are, like amanda, can’t make it because of work. and i can’t ask my brother either because there’s a minimum age limit (because it’s held at st james power station). i think i will decide tomorrow, and hope that there will still be tickets. and maybe, i just need to make more friends (who have the same music tastes). ha.

also, i must say that it was quite startling for me to wake up (late) on tuesday morning, go to my laptop and realise that JBJ was dead, and that the US congress managed to not pass the federal reserve bailout. and then it started raining heavily and i wondered for a while if hell had perhaps started to break loose or something while i was oversleeping. okay la, those weren’t exactly catastrophes but that was just what i felt when i woke up.

okay, time to go study now, until my head hurts to the point that i need to go and sleep the migraine off.

i’m awake and positively STARVING at this unearthly hour thanks to a monster migraine i got today. all i did was to go to the library to print readings, buy lunch and come back. but the damned weather was so hot, the first twinges of the migraine was already knocking on the left-side door of my brain when i was buying my food. imagine my horror when i came back to find that for some stupid reason, they’re cutting the grass in hall. AGAIN. and they just did it about two weeks ago! yes, grass grows, but is there any reason why it should be cut so often, creating this awful racket aka noise pollution at the same time???

thankfully, it didn’t last as long as the last time, so after lunch i went to sleep off the migraine. to my dismay, when i woke up at 8pm, the damned thing was still there. probably because i was also dreaming about my sister and arguing with her until i woke up. so anyway, i took one more anarex and went back to sleep… and as usual, i just had to be interrupted by someone returning something, just when i was about to drift off to sleep… sigh. at least i got many more hours of uninterrupted sleep after a few smses and a phone call later.

which is why i’m awake now. and starving, because the last meal i ate was about 12 hours ago. i guess i’ll go take a shower, fix myself some soup and get back to work on the testimonial project. speaking of which, i just have to repost this thing shanta put on my wall, just for kicks.

and oh before i do that, i must say that the khansama tandoori village place is goood. slightly tacky atmosphere and slightly expensive prices (al-ameen is still the cheapest and most value for money!) aside, the food was goood. i just loved the curd rice (sounds gross i know, but it’s really just yoghurt rice) and their naans and butter chicken, meat dishes etc were all pretty good. now i’m making myself hungry again… haha.

ok, so here is shanta’s testimonial for me, which is hereby nominated for “most inspired testimonial, not for a student” in our “achievements of tomorrow” awards. please stay tuned for more nominations and news about “achievements of tomorrow” awards!

In September 2008, Ee Ling was selected out of 500 university students who lived on campus, to work as a free lance writer for Information by Design. Her responsibilities involved writing student testimonials for an unnamed institution. She showed great English writing ability, showing competence in stringing points together, a task found difficult and impossible by many tertiary-level students and peers. Despite the fact that many students did not actually have true achievements to write about, and thought that servicing the community and stacking bottles of water to protect children from the sun were acts that would take them far in life, Ee Ling successfully paraphrased their words to make it seem as though they had fulfilled lifelong community service and water boy dreams. Though Ee Ling is an extremely capable writer, she often found herself frustrated with the inextricably ridiculous task of trying to spin a story of achievement out of absolutely nothing. Despite this challenge, she persevered with her task, showing grit and determination to accomplish her goals. She learnt how to write under extreme stress, and developed strong interpersonal and communication skills by regularly interacting with her co-workers and boss to discuss ways to improve her paraphrasing abilities. She was generous in motivating her co-workers never to give up, no matter how tough it was to write a paragraph on the extreme merits of handing out flyers for six hours. She also has a good sense of humour, lightening the stressful mood for everyone by providing amusing examples of top students’ stupidity. This experience has made Ee Ling a more tolerant individual, coming to understand that some people are just not very bright. This has helped her to forgive the many individuals who were the source of her severe migraines and abuse of analgesics. Ee Ling has learnt lessons from this that will take her far in life.

if that’s not funny and inspired, i don’t know what is. cheers to shanta for coming up with it! hahaha. i’m still very tickled by it.